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Thread: "Chapter Three: Kicking Up a Storm"

  1. #81
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
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    Ohio
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    1,628

    Post Keep an Eye on Him? Or Not...

    Quote Originally Posted by Drakestendor View Post
    Squalk shuffles his feet, kind of sad that he couldn't eat MacGuffin's eyes.
    The Hermit cleared his throat. "I didn't live past the age of one hundred by taking chances. This fortifying feast can only work its magic if we are not interrupted for one hour. So before we eat, Fortune's Hand, perhaps you would be good enough to make sure that Hugo isn't going to surprise us?"

    He and Umbert turned to the stone wall he'd created around MacGuffin's windlass bath. After waiting until the three heroes had armed themselves and drawn close to the wall, with a gesture the Osirion flung a glowing white disc.

    It resembled the one the heroes had glimpsed in the temple that smothered the magic of the giant holy symbol. The white radiance hovered over the Hermit's wall, causing it to be temporarily suppressed. "You have ten seconds," the Hermit warned them.

    Once again they could all see the remains of the broken machine and dead wires, and the equally dead four-armed gnome. MacGuffin floated face down in the bath, as they'd last seen him. Only this time he looked they way they remembered him, wrinkled and faded in the coloring of his skin and hairs, like an ugly fruit left too long in the sun.

    The scene was grotesquely like a bobbing for apples game gone wrong. "Wall him in again, before I lose my appetite," Bizbee complained. "Like everything else about me, I have a refined and delicate palate."

    Those of the heroes with wings hovered carefully over the strange water to get at the gnome, but they needn't have worried. The flow of chaos had ceased when the machine was damaged beyond repair by lightning. The pool and its contents were as inert as the doctor himself.

    Squalk was the first to retrieve MacGuffin's dead body...starting with the eyeballs that popped and squished deliciously in his beak.

    Oksana, hailing from a country infamous for vampires and other tricky undead, asked, "We make sure, comrade, da?" Then she used her new elven curved sword (with an assist from Squalk's trusty katana) to separate the evil gnome's eyeless head from his shoulders.

    Tamsyn was still soaked from the dratted giant roving bubble of water and had no wish to go near the bath. "Be so kind as to toss him over here, comrades?" she asked, patting the magical grass with one honey badger clawed foot. Her friends did, and the corpse landed with an unceremonious wet SMACK! The clever kitty burrowed deep underground and straight beneath the bricked up bath machine. There she buried the old wretch where he wouldn't be discovered by old servants or bothersome necromancers. She re-emerged and dusted off her paws.

    The heroes cleared away from the windlass machine and the wizard's thick stone wall sprang back into place.

    Then the Hermit and Bizbee obligingly used their magic ("Presto!") to clean the triumphant heroes sullied bodies and clothing in preparation for the feast.

    "To the end of MacGuffin and the start of a new adventure!" the half-orc oracle toasted.

    They all sat down to a lively banquet, unaware that their latest actions had ramifications far beyond the realm of the living...
    Last edited by UngainlyDodge; 09-08-2014 at 07:01 AM. Reason: Eyeballs for dinner! Each hero contributes to burial
    "Fall into my pit trap, shame on you. Fill my pit trap with bloodthirsty sharp-toothed goblins with abyssal templates, shame on me." ---SuperBall

  2. #82
    Join Date
    Jun 2011
    Location
    Ohio
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    1,628

    Post Final Interlude with Death...Eye for an Eye at Last?

    MacGuffin awoke on his side, sputtering bathwater. Surrounding him was a night time forest, but not the jungle of his private island. Gnarled branches of oaks and redwoods clawed at the moon and stars, while wind moaned over the grass. The trees were brittle and discolored and bore no leaves, and the grass was yellowed and dry...all the plants here were dead.

    His darkvision gifted eyes saw Shivers the half-orc speaking to a skeletal figure in a black cloak in the distance.

    "Shivers, get over here," he croaked. Then he repeated his order, louder.

    As though he hadn't heard him, the half-orc took off running.

    "Deserter!" MacGuffin yelled. He raised himself slowly to his knees with his four spindly, trembling arms. More water forced its way out of his lungs and mouth, sending him into a fit of coughing.

    YOU SEEM TO HAVE TAKEN ON A LOT OF WATER, said the spectre of Death.

    "What I 'took on' was a bunch of ungrateful children," the gnome griped. "I would've left them the world itself, once they proved their worth over the others."

    Death had never been a parent, but most sapient species he observed did not let that stop them from offering helpful advice. CHILDREN ALWAYS KNOW WHAT THEY WANT OR DO NOT WANT. SOMETIMES IT IS BEST TO LISTEN TO THEM.

    MacGuffin glared at him and spat a tiny stream of water.

    Death removed a letter from his black robe pocket. I DON'T NORMALLY DO THIS, BUT THERE WAS A CERTAIN ONE-EYED ELF WHO CHEATED ME MANY TIMES. SHE WAS...INTRIGUING. SHE ASKED ME TO READ THIS LETTER TO HUGO MACGUFFIN AFTER HIS DEMISE.

    "Nali Ashtar always was a dramatic sort," the gnome sneered. "I'd just finished prying out one of her eyes when that meddlesome faculty review board caught me and put a stop to my research. Well, get on with it."

    Death read aloud:

    "HUGO, YOU POMPOUS SQUIRT, I WISH I COULD HAVE WITNESSED YOUR FINAL FALL. THEN AGAIN, PERHAPS I CAN..."

    The scientist grunted. "Was that the end?"

    Nali Ashtar, wily elven bard mentor to Fortune's Hand, popped out from behind a tree. "No, this is!" She stamped her feet in rhythm.

    Burrowing honey badger claws burst from the earth beneath the gnome and pulled him under, shrieking. Their sharp claw tips sank into his flesh beneath his bathing costume and bandoliers. Even though his arms were thrown over his face, MacGuffin suddenly felt his sense of sight leave him completely. He was blinded! He gibbered in a high voice in the throes of true panic, unable to see his assailants to fight back. Seconds later he lost his ability to speak or cry for help as well. His eyes and voice box were simply gone.

    The shade of the ancient elven woman grinned fiercely. "You once pulled every one of those honey badgers to bits for your experiments, Hugo, 'adding their uniqueness to your own' as you put it. They're ready to return the favor!"

    The ravenous beasts dragged Hugo MacGuffin far below, to a world without air or light or any route of escape. Then they stopped using their claws, in favor of their teeth...

    "Now that's what poets call justice!" Nali declared. "I hope one of mine took out his eyes, too."

    I TAKE IT YOU ARE PLEASED WITH HOW YOU HAVE SPENT YOUR ETERNITY SO FAR...TRAINING BADGERS? Death inquired.

    "Aye!" she answered cheerfully. Then the elf produced a flask and took a celebratory swig before offering it to her host. "Here, this'll wet your... no, it wouldn't, would it? Well it'll really put hair on your... oh, nevermind. Bottoms up!"

    BOTTOMS ARE NEVER UP. OR THEY WOULD BE CALLED 'TOPS,' Death pointed out. The personification of the grave gently pushed her flask away. I AM NOT GENERALLY INDULGENT WITH SPIRITS.

    "Thanks for making me the exception!" Nali said with a wink, only confusing Death further. She raised her flask once more before departing. "A final toast to the ones who gave MacGuffin what for! Above or Below, you'll always be tops with me!"

    OOC:

    Can't believe I forgot to do a Death post before I closed up shop! Now it is finished.

    Thanks everybody!
    Last edited by UngainlyDodge; 09-08-2014 at 07:47 AM. Reason: finishing touches
    "Fall into my pit trap, shame on you. Fill my pit trap with bloodthirsty sharp-toothed goblins with abyssal templates, shame on me." ---SuperBall

  3. #83
    Join Date
    Jul 2013
    Posts
    522

    Default Brava!

    Brilliant! Death, you old dog, it's always great to see you
    "Friends don't let friends mend evil altars." - UngainlyDodge
    "The goblin died as he had lived, ignorant of what was going on and generally outraged." - UngainlyDodge

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